Of Blogging and No NFL

For some reason, lately, I’ve been inspired to write again. It might be because of my irrational desire to find a way to become a contributor for Bill Simmons’ new site Grantland.com. Or maybe I’ll get to guest blog on MASNSports.com. Hell, I’ll settle for a link on Bleacher Report at this point. Maybe, for some strange reason, I just want to see this thing we call DC Sports Guys do well, and my inflated sense of self-worth leads me to believe that me writing some shitty blogs will somehow aid in that. So I’m getting back into the blogging business. Starting out, I’m going to try to make myself do one a week – either expanding on something we discussed on the show or tackling something that my “friends” would absolutely kill me on (soccer). So below is the first of hopefully (though not likely) many more to come.

I Hope the NFL Never Comes Back

That is my secret dream. Though, not so secret because whenever the topic of the NFL Lockout or the Redskins or even Fantasy Football comes up, I tell everyone I’m rooting for no season. Shock and horror is the best way to describe the looks on their faces. Some look at me quizzically, assume I’m just joking, and give me a pity laugh. A few brave souls actually agree with me. But I can tell their heart is not really in it. I can tell that when the owners and players finally figure out just how much money they are costing themselves by squabbling over this Scrooge McDuck sized pile of gold coins, they’ll return to their couches on Sundays (and Mondays…and Thursdays…and SATURDAYS) and allow themselves to be blissfully swept back into their world of pigskin, pork rinds, and Pam Oliver.

This isn’t so much meant to be an argument or prediction for or against football next year. I fully expect both sides to come to their senses and realize they’re sitting on a goose that not only lays golden eggs but also craps money (and those things crap a lot. Have you been to a golf course lately?). I guess I just want to try to shed some light on the situation I find myself in – that I love football, but I hate the NFL and I hope it never comes back. Let’s take the issue I mentioned briefly above. The NFL is on EVERY-NIGHT-NOW! It’s on so much I don’t even know when it’s on anymore. It’s like they’re spinning off new NFLs. Like it’s CSI. Or Law and Order. And it’s on so many channels, I don’t even know where to look for it. But every time I turn around, there’s Chris Collinsworth.

Between the pre-season and regular season and playoffs and Super Bowl Game and Pro Bowl (ugh, the Pro Bowl) and free agency and the draft and rookie camps and mini camps and training camps... It never ends. There is such a thing as diminishing returns. It’s like the time I bought the family size bag of Smarties. I know what you’re thinking. With a bag that big you could eat candy for every meal! It sounds great and at first it was. But eventually I had to throw a quarter of the bag away because I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore, let alone ingesting it.

The other issue is with the only NFL team I’ve ever rooted for: the Redskins. Ever since He Who Must Not be Named purchased the team (12 or so years ago depending on who you talk to) I’ve had a little bit of my soul sucked out of my body every year until I’ve reached the point where I am teetering on soullessness. I fear one more season of Redskins Football may just finish the job. And from what I’ve seen, walking around as an empty shell of a human being does not strike me as the most super way to spend the rest of my days. The only thing that can save my soul (or what’s left of it) is if there is no more football. Seriously though, it has become such a drain on me to have to discuss Snyder’s or the Redskins’ most recent attempt to reach new heights of craptasticness, that I just don’t have the energy for it anymore. I’d rather save my energy for teams that are slightly less hopeless...like the Orioles.

I’m sure there are plenty of you out there who don’t agree with my sentiment. Many of you root for competent organizations, wish Peter King wrote 2,000 more words a week, can stomach Joe Buck’s self righteousness, and think Deion’s suits aren’t nearly flashy enough. Maybe you, like Ray Lewis, just have nothing else to do. But if the NFL never came back, I wouldn’t mind. In fact, I would celebrate. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go watch Chad Ochocinco play soccer against a horse while riding a bull and then discuss it with Terrell Owens... or something.

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